I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
