i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
