I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
