We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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