Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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