I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
