Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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