Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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