I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize