so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
