apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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