i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
