good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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