this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize