So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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