I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
