so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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