I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
