Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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