He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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