I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
