Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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