"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
