well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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