A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
