so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The Olympian is in my bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
