SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize