i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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