Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
