You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
