Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize