i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
