This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
