I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
