I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
