One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
