So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
