the condom got lost in my hair
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
