Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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