Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
