Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
