i may or may not be watching the land before time
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
