I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
