i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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