im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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