If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
