two words: eviction party
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
