You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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