You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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