How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
