just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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