Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you had me at cake vodka
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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