it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
