So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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