Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
