hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
