'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
