the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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