I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
