it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
