She is in my trunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
