so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
