I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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