What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
