tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
