a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
