dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
