You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
