i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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