I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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