I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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