I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
