she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
