What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
