He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
