and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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