A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize