Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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