you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I will pee on everything he values.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
