Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
