I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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