oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
