I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
