You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
