and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need to stop coming to work sober
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
