connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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