I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
